Itachi's plastic kunai phobia
by Blur daydreamerXXX
Summary: How Itachi developed his phobia of plastic objects, and how it eventually led to the Uchiha massacre. Warning: Crack


Ok, so i was bored. And my boredom led to a short crackfic about Itachi's plastic kunai phobia. Probably not very well done, but oh well. Enjoy! :D

* * *

He glared at the blue man in front of him, Sharingan activated and ready, his body tensed.

"Are you ready, Itachi-san?" Kisame asked, smirking. Itachi nodded.

"Bring it on, Kisame." With that, Kisame walked up and pulled out… a plastic kunai. Itachi's eyes widened, and he collapsed to the ground, clutching his head and screaming. He deactivated his Sharingan when he felt his partner's hand on his back.

"Itachi-san, hang in there! Remember what Leader-sama said! Overcoming your fear is an order! And a good experience too!" Kisame said, trying to soothe the younger man. Itachi swallowed.

"It seems… my fear cannot be overcome…" He stood up shakily, eyeing the plastic kunai warily. Kisame noticed his discomfort and put it away in his pocket. Itachi relaxed slightly.

"But really, Itachi-san… I thought my fear of sushi knives was reasonable… But I just cannot figure out the cause of your plastic-kunai phobia!" Kisame commented, helping him up. The Uchiha closed his eyes and gulped as he remembered that fateful day…

* * *

It was exactly 5 years and 9 months ago when it happened. Sasuke had returned home as per normal, except that he seemed to be in a very good mood. Itachi smiled at his younger brother as Sasuke sat down next to him, bouncing slightly.

"So how was your day, Sasuke? You seem to be in a good mood." He asked. Sasuke grinned at his older brother.

"You know, Itachi-nii! This morning in class, this white haired jounin person performed this jutsu on Iruka-sensei and class was cancelled for the entire day because Iruka-sensei wasn't able to stand or walk properly!" He said quickly, still grinning. Itachi raised an eyebrow. White haired jounin? Sounded familiar…

"Hmm… And you're happy because class was cancelled?" He continued to ask. Sasuke pouted and shook his head, before smiling widely.

"He taught me the jutsu that he used!" He said, and tugged on Itachi's sleeve. "nii-san, follow me! I wanna try it on you… coz I know that you'll definitely be able to block it!" He dragged Itachi along. Itachi had homework to do and could have easily resisted, but he didn't want to disappoint his little brother by saying 'no', so he played along and let Sasuke drag him to the forest behind their house.

----~~----~~----

The two of them stood 30 meters away, facing each other, and Itachi waited patiently as his brother took out a kunai. Itachi blinked.

"Sasuke, since when did you own a kunai?" He questioned. Sasuke was only 6 years old, and kids were only allowed to possess kunai at the age of 7. Even so, the kunai were supposed to be blunt, and this one looked sharp to Itachi. Sasuke looked at the kunai in his hands.

"Nii-san, this isn't a real kunai… it's made of plastic." He explained. Itachi nodded slowly.

"Okay… It seems that I have a problem with identifying materials…" He muttered softly under his breath. Sasuke held the kunai such that the blade was pointed towards his stomach, and the rounded end faced outwards. Itachi examined his little brother.

"Sasuke, why does this jutsu require kunai?" He blurted. Sasuke smiled.

"The white haired guy said that beginners should use kunai in case they break their fingers." He said, and smiled at his brother. Itachi smiled back and nodded.

"This must be a difficult jutsu if there is a risk of breaking your fingers." He commented. Sasuke nodded.

"Okay nii-san! Turn around!" Sasuke commanded. Itachi folded his arms across his chest and turned. Sasuke started running the 30 meters towards his brother.

"Wait a minute, I remember now… White haired jounin… Hatake Kakashi…" Itachi tried to recall.

19 meters more…

"If it's a jutsu that attacks from behind…"

10 meters more…

"And attacks using their fingers…"

2 meters more…

Itachi's eyes widened in realization as he turned around and tried to stop his brother.

"SENNEN GOROSHI!!!" Sasuke yelled and thrust the kunai forward.

Too late…

----~~----~~----

For the next 3 months, Itachi had various reactions when he saw sharp, plastic objects. It even went as far as him having to use wooden or metal chopsticks instead of the typical plastic ones that all the Uchiha families used.

It was only natural that he started to get teased by the other Uchiha. "A fine young man, if it weren't for his fear of plastic objects." They would always say. And then the person they were talking to would reply either with a snicker or with loud laughter.

Another 2 more months later, Itachi had narrowed his fear down to ONLY plastic kunai instead of all plastic objects, but couldn't take the teasing anymore. So when the village elders ordered him to kill off the entire clan, he decided that he'd leave only his beloved younger brother alive as payback for what he did to him.

* * *

Kisame watched as Itachi stopped spacing out and alertness was back in his eyes. He sighed in relief.

"So, Itachi-san… what were you thinking about?" He folded his arms. Itachi groaned and grabbed his head.

"The cause of my phobia." Kisame's ears (or gills) perked up.

"Oh! And the cause is…?"

"………… The plastic kunai took away my father's day…"

"…Oh…… I…See……… Ouch…"

* * *

Hehe, Poor Itachi! ^^;;;

And by the way, "Sennen Goroshi" translates to "Thousand years of death" or "Thousand years of pain". Either one works. :D

And I'm not too sure it's spelled as "Sennen Goroshi"… I just didn't know whether to use "thousand years of death" or "thousand years of pain". ^^;;; -shot-

Anyway, hoped you liked it! ... o.o


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